I Met a Guy from Oregon

This past Sunday, I met a guy from Oregon. He was visiting his brother-in-law who had bought a lot near me on Lake Hartwell.

I’ve been walking by that lot 2 times a day for years. It has a history.

According to the local legend, before Katie and I moved to Lake Hartwell the person who owned that lot was an airline pilot. He had a nice house on the lot, and he was arrested for drug smuggling. After his conviction, his house mysteriously burned to the ground. I don’t remember who told me the story, but the house burning happened before we moved here 16 years ago.

Last Sunday, we were walking by that lot at about 8:00 in the morning, and two guys were clearing undergrowth. I stopped to talk with them.

One of the guys had bought the lot. He introduced himself and his brother-in-law. He told us that he was from Florida, and he was preparing to build a house on the lot. They were clearing an area where a perk test could be performed. He said that his brother-in-law was from Oregon, near Portland.

Of course, I wanted to hear something from the Oregonian. I said, “What in the world is wrong in your part of the world.”

He walked away in a huff.

Katie and I exchanged small talk with our new neighbor while his brother-in-law continued removing debris.

After a few minutes, the guy from Oregon came up and joined the conversation. He was a real nutjob. He started waving his hands in the air like a lunatic, and he told us that all the things we’ve heard about Portland on Fox News is fake news.

I said, “I’ve seen the videos of burning buildings, looting, and killing. What part of it is fake?”

His response was nonsensical.

Then the guy pointed to a tree on the lot and said, “You see that tree. It’s not a real tree. The trees we have in Oregon are so large that you can’t put your arms around them. They are so high that you can’t see their tops.”

It was clear that his brother-in-law, my new neighbor, was humiliated.

I told his brother-in-law that there would be fewer trees when he returned than there were when he left. I don’t think he understood my point. The wildfires started by other nutjobs are devastating the forests in Oregon.

The guy from Oregon talked fast. He barely stopped to breathe. After listening to his drivel for what seemed like an eternity, I decided to talk over him. When I did that, he shut up.

Then, he tried to sound rational. He said that he was a scientist, that he was an engineer, and that he retired from Motorola.

I told him that I was a retired business professor from the University of Virginia and that I could remember when Motorola was good company about 25 years go.

He responded by saying that he visited Florida one time and noticed that there were 3 bathrooms in every establishment: one for men, one for women, and one for coloreds. He told us that he couldn’t wait to get back to Oregon and tell his friends what he saw.

I said, “That was more than a half-century ago. Things have changed here. Obviously, you haven’t changed. Are all the people in Oregon like you?

The left coast of America is a serious problem. It’s much worse than we think it is.

Katie pulled me away before I could tell him what I really think.

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